The Net of Thoughts

Assalamu'alaikum.

Do you know that I have been feeling bored of this life already? It is not that I have decided to commit suicide. It's just that I feel almost every thing that happens/runs is meaningless. I see the daily activities of people, it is boring, repetitive. No value at all, in my humble opinion.

But I know that we are here with a purpose. I am not denying that fact. It's just I have seen many hypocrisy of life's activities. Many of those activities serve a dark and evil purpose. Those poor people of unknowingly perform these activities, thinking that they are normal routines of life. You see, I was once belong to these kind of people.

Yes. I have taken the red pill, if I may use The Matrix metaphor. Or in other words, realize a bit of the truth, albeit not all of it. I realize the fact, but I have not unplugged myself yet as I am still chained to the system. The chains are not easy to break you see.

Some people call me religious, as I am, in fact, a hajee. Well, that is a man-made label. What would God label me? I don't think the label given by Him will be nice. You see, I perform many hidden acts of sin. Normal people cannot see it as it is hidden. But Allah is All Seeing, All Knowing and All Hearing; omniscient. It would take a while for me to break free.

...I wanted happiness, but these chains, that I unconsciously adore, but in the same time, I despise, is stopping me from getting that happiness.

I feel alone. I wanted attention. I wanted the love of others. But somehow I am afraid to ask for it.

I decided that I should give before I can claim. It is better that way.

I have shed tears. But would those tears help me?

The chains of lust, laziness, distraction, mind control, low self esteem, low self confidence, fear, hate, envy; these are what that stops me from being free.

This post is strange right? I should be writing on how I am happy that semester 3 has ended and I am quite free for six weeks.

No. I decided to go against the flow.

This post has no point whatsoever in it. It is just an expression of my thoughts.


Wallahualam. Catch you later peeps.