The Net of Thoughts

I read something just now, it touched my heart and it made my tears flow for a moment.

I think you should read it too.

Thanks Azreen for posting it!

Assalamu'alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

Perhaps, I've been too offensive in my previous post. After thinking for a while, I could present it in a more polite manner.

"terlajak perahu boleh diundur, terlajak kata buruk padahnya"

From the deepest depth of my heart, I seek forgiveness again, to those I may offend. I never truly intend to hurt anyone, I just want to remind. My ways were truly deviated from the straight path. And I apologize again to a certain people, for becoming a truly annoying person. I wouldn't bother all of you anymore. If I may happen to start annoying all of you again, please, remind me...

Hontouni, gomennasai...

I'm a stupid creature of Allah, I still have lots of weaknesses inside me. But I wouldn't use this statement as an excuse to run away from my quest of improving myself.

P.S: Thank you for waking me up. Took me a while to figure it out.

Salam 'alaik.

I don't know why, but I feel very sinful tonight/this morning. Something may just struck me. I know, I sinned a lot, but tonight I feel the magnitude of that sin, increases dramatically.

It's just something stabbed the very tender core of my heart, penetrating the ice that protects it. But I stayed content, adapting the noble philosophy of 'husnuszhan'. O Lord, have mercy on me...

I've been sinful. I've been sinful. I've been sinful. My heart cries for mercy. But my tears never dropped tonight. My tears are expensive, they're not cheap. I'm cold. I felt nothing when my grandfather died. I seldom felt care for my parents. I didn't care for my friends. The only thing that makes them cheap that I force myself to cry, most of the times. I cry to wash away my old cold self, I want to melt the ice that surrounds my heart. I don't want to be left alone. I don't want people to view me as a bad person, just because I showed my cold alter ego.

I'm a good person deep down. The ice needs to be...removed from existence.

Salam 'alaik.

Alhamdulillah, I'm back at home, intact and breathing. It was another interesting journey for me. Though it's not a perfect journey, it was still exciting. I got to meet new people, made new friendships and acquaintances, and learned something new. I have to admit I was not 100% happy during the trip, as I was down and depressed sometime during the trip. But I was happy also though, as I counted my blessings.

But let's not deviate too early in this post.

I was supposed to be at Kuching last Saturday, which was on 13th of June. On 12th of June, our flight was supposed to be around 3 am Saudi time, but they we queued up like about an hour since our initial boarding call. We queued, but the order to board a coaster-like vehicle(which supposed to take us to our plane, King Abdul Azeez Airport is quite huge actually) never came. And we waited until Subh prayers, which is around 4 am there(really early during this time of the year), we never got onboard our plane. And we stayed at Jeddah until 14th of June, which was on Sunday where we departed. The Royal Brunei aircraft has problems with it's technicalities and it took 3 days for them to finish repairing it. Many of us have started complaining about the long delay and were about to go to the embassies to ask for a solution. Really, our delay was among the longest in aviation history. Even AirAsia didn't delay their flights that long. I feel a bit poor for the Bruneians. Their airline service is exceptional and I really liked flying with the Royal Brunei Airlines. Too bad their aircraft arsenal is quite limited and it's hard for them to get replacement aircraft(unlike other airlines). I think they suffered quite a huge loss this time paying for all our accomodation, food and all the things to 'jaga hati' us.

And our story made it to the front page:


We flew back to Bandar Seri Begawan on Sunday and arrived there on Monday. But we didn't go directly back to Kuching that day, as there were no connecting flights to Kuching available on that day(and due to the limited capabilities of Royal Brunei Airlines). So, we were sent to a 4 star transit hotel situated in the middle of a residential area(it's weird to see an 8 or 10 storey building in the middle of a so-called kampong or taman, heh). And we were given a free tour around Brunei that day(yay! Brunei is quite beautiful you see ^-^).

And our long waited flight to Kuching was yesterday, 16th of June. And surprisingly, the flight was delayed also, for a few hours. There was a problem with the plane, again. Alhamdulillah, there was a Bruneian plane from somewhere oversea came to the rescue and they changed our plane. If not, tambah semalam gik kat Brunei. Haha.

But it's also a blessing for us of course. Allah doubled His blessings to us. We all like paid plus-minus RM5800 for the Umrah trip. But with the delay, it's like we paid RM10000 for all of it. And it's FREE! All I can say is, alhamdulillah. Too bad I can't go shopping in Jeddah, as I was preserving my funds for something else in Malaysia. Branded stuff there are quite cheaper than Malaysia. I'm quite jealous of Farid and his new sweater. His older sisters bought new sandals and handbags there as well.

But it doesn't matter. I too 'shopped' a lot, spiritually, in Makkah as well. Praying directly in front of Kaabah is really exciting(I have found the trick to join the most front saf during congregrational prayers, hehe). I saw the Grand Imam of Masjidil Haram many times, up close. The closest I can get is the third saf behind the imam. Alhamdulillah.

And here's an update on me:



Yes, I'm bald. Hehehe. It's refreshing to be bald actually. It's easy to pray as I don't have to worry about any hair meddling with my forehead. Last year, I didn't want to go bald, as I want to 'preserve' my hair. But now I decided that it was no use to keep my old damaged hair on my scalp. So, after performing sa'ie(which is the last ritual before escaping the restrictions of the Ihram), I went straight to the barber and told the Pakistani guy to shave my hair for the Tahallul. Now I look forward to a new healthy hair. Hehe. Right now, I look like Mawi as my hair grows quickly(about half a cm a day, boy that's fast).

Actually, I have more to tell, but I can't fit all of them here. I think that's enough for now. Haha, I always have the habit to tell every inch of my experiences. I have a pinch of Mr. Perfectionist inside me. But I don't have all the time in the world to go to every detail really.

Also, here's my result for the last semester examination:


Yup, alhamdulillah. I have become budak dekan again and I shall look forward to some dinner in some fine hotel in Kuching. But to be frank, I think I don't deserve it as in the last semester, I'm a great slacker. Blaja pun last minute. I can only thank Allah for preserving me. The Lord has been too merciful on me. And I feel guilty when I think again of the results. My efforts doesn't match the results I have in my hand right now. The only thing that I can do next semester is, to be serious in my studies. That's what I can do to express my thankfulness to our Lord. Saying alhamdulillah many times but take no action to prove that thankfulness is quite stupid and worthless to me. And it's plagueing our society these days.

Haha, I've been pragmatic lately. Down to earth they say.

Alright, I'll write about the journey later. So much drama and emotions. About me of course.